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Reviewer: AustralianRupert (talk · contribs) 00:32, 5 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

Good work so far on this one. I can see that a lot of work has already gone into it. At this stage I don’t think it is quite up to GA standard, but I think it has serious potential. As such, I will try to highlight the key issues, and I will look to keep the review open while these are worked through. Happy to discuss anything you disagree with. AustralianRupert (talk) 00:32, 5 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • in the lead, “military history as one of the most important”…the placement of the citation here seems a little strange. I’d suggest moving it to the end of the sentence  Done
  • “Malta was a critical component[10] to this campaign”. I suggest moving the citation to after the word “campaign” Done
  • “Churchill, in Moscow at the time, attached such importance to the mission that he asked to be briefed daily about it” Suppressed pending a citation.
  • the entire first paragraph of the Planning section Done
  • the Italian commander is listed in the infobox, but appears to be unreferenced…this could be fixed by adding mention of him in the article body, with a reference
  • “This made alterations to the Operation Orders[9] necessary”. I suggest moving the ref to after the word “necessary” Done
  • “but this risk to security was worth the benefit gained from the rehearsals”…I suggest stating who believed this, and adding a citation to the text Done
  • the last part of the second paragraph of the Planning section Done
  • in the Prelim moves section, the sentence ending with “…contained in envelopes marked "Not to be opened until 0800 hours August 10" were handed to the ships' masters.”
  • the sentence ending, “…but this risk to security was worth the benefit gained from the rehearsals” (and note d) Done
  • “…however, showed that the enemy was fully aware of the convoy's passage of the Straits” (probably could be resolved by moving ref # 9)
  • the sentence ending, “…and having reached the Skerki Bank, it was hoped that the submarine threat would subside.”
  • the paragraph ending, “…HMS Nigeria and the other damaged ships turned back to Gibraltar with HMS Wilton and HMS Bicester as escorts.” Done
  • the sentence ending, “…Fighters from Malta were fired upon by the convoy in the confusion because communications between the convoy and the RAF were still out.” Done
  • the paragraph ending, “…The crew, led by Captain D.W. Mason, abandoned the ship, while Italian torpedo bombers were about to dive in for yet another attack.” Done
  • “The Italian Regia Marina was hampered[16]”: the position of the citation here doesn’t seem necessary. I suggest moving it to the end of the sentence Done
  • the paragraph ending, “…Neither ship returned to action during the war” Done
  • the sentence ending, “…anti-aircraft guns on Ohio during the tow.” (probably could be resolved by moving ref # 32) Done
  • the paragraph ending, “…until it was re-established with Bramham replacing Ledbury on Ohio 's port side for the remainder of the journey” Done
  • “manoeuvring "comparable to that of a fleet unit”  the quote should be attributed in text, i.e. state who’s opinion it is that the convoy achieved this Done
  • “…The tanker discharged its cargo into two tankers and settled on the bottom just as the last of the fuel it transported left her holds” (I suggest moving the footnote back into the main body of the text here)
  • “…From the moment the shield of Spitfires patrolled over the unloading battered ships, it became obvious that ships could now arrive and be protected, meaning that more ships would come in due course, thus sustaining the will to endure.” (needs a ref and the sentiment probably needs attribution…i.e. to whom did it become obvious) Done
  • “significantly contributed to the Axis' worsening state of supply and led to their eventual inability to compete with the British build-up for an offensive towards the end of the year” (needs a citation in addition to the footnote)
  • this sentence, “Operation Pedestal was the subject of a 1953 black and white British film, Malta Story, which interspersed archive footage of the SS Ohio with scripted studio scenes.”
  • the order of battle section probably needs more references too. I’d suggest just adding the general refs to the stem sentences, i.e. “Allied ships that took part in this operation included:[ref][ref]…” Done?
  • several of the notes do not have citations either, for instance ‘c’, ‘d’ etc.
  • is this a reliable source: [1]?
  • same as above for: [2]
  • same as above for: [3] (also it appears to be a dead link – can a web archive link be added)?
  • same as above for: [4] (also it appears to be a dead link)
  • while not necessarily one of the good article criteria, the article would be improved by using a more consistent referencing style. For instance you mix full citations with short, and there are several bare urls that could be formatted
  • “including 160 on HMS Eagle, 132 on HMS Manchester, 52 on HMS Nigeria, 50”  probably should be a Note, not a Reference
  • “For the high price of nine merchantmen sunk, one aircraft carrier (Eagle), two cruisers (Manchester and Cairo), and a destroyer (Foresight) sunk…” -->“For the high price of 13 vessels sunk, including nine merchantmen, one aircraft carrier (Eagle), two cruisers (Manchester and Cairo), and a destroyer (Foresight)…”
  • “Submarines and torpedo-carrying Bristol Beauforts escorted by their variants the Bristol Beaufighters, regularly…” --> “Submarines and torpedo-carrying Bristol Beauforts escorted by Bristol Beaufighters, regularly…”
  • “From about 18:30–18:50, the convoy…” --> “Between 13:30 and 18:50, the convoy…”
  • "From about 20:35–21:00..." --> "Between 20:35 and 21:00..."
  • “with 80 of the 107 crew killed…” --> “with 80 of the 107 crewmembers killed”
  • “adopting a more aggressive and dynamic conduct” --> “adopting more aggressive and dynamic tactics”?
  • “Ultimately, Malta was still alive while any hope to maintain North Africa was quickly fading away, with the now looming possibility of having the Allies opening up a Third Front on the Italian mainland”. I suggest moving this sentence to the end of the paragraph it is currently in
  • “clearly demonstrated that the tide in this campaign had turned” --> demonstrated to whom?
  • I think some parts of the prose could do with a copy edit. Do you have a copy editor that you regularly work with? If not, perhaps you could list the article over at WP:GOCE?
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