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• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to bring it to FAC eventually. Thanks! Gary King (talk) 21:55, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ashnard

• "and the third and final entry in the Metroid Prime trilogy". If it is the final entry in a trilogy, then it must be the third entry. Redundant.
• "Corruption takes place six months after the events of Metroid Prime 2: Echoes". I personally prefer "is set" as "takes place" can mean anything between out- and in-universe.
• "her fellow bounty hunters are attacked by her doppelgänger Dark Samus, who incapacitates". I would prefer a comma after "doppleganger".
• "Over one million copies". I've been told that "more than" is preferable to "over" when discussing discrete quantities, but I'm not sure.
• The lead is too scarce on "development" and "gameplay" details. Obviously, separate paragraphs are not necessary, but just a brief explanation.
• "The Nunchuk enables the player to perform actions such as moving Samus and locking on to enemies and targets". I think a distinction is required here since one is using standard controls while the other is using motion sensors in the nunchuk.
• "that can be opened with the correct weapon." Not sure about the wording here; anyway, the weapons systme is not explained here. If memory serves me right, it's different to that in MP 1 and 2.
• Gameplay section seems bare in places—morph balls are mentioned for the merit of changing perspective while the actual purpose of a morph ball is not explained. Maybe gameplay features that have been introduced or altered since MP could be elaborated upon. Just feels slightly too vague for a game of this complexity.
• "features a radar, map, ammunition for missiles, a health meter, and health bar for bosses along with the boss name". This reads as if the visor stores ammunition; specify that it is an indicator for ammunition.
• "Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, like its predecessors, is set in the Metroid universe," By definition, any setting of a Metroid game becomes part of the universe, does it not?
• The Galactic Federation is a duff link.
• "According to the game's backstory". This is a fictional story that is not subject to authenticity claims or anything like that, so I don't know why it's phrased like this. If you wanted to establish an out-of-universe perspective, change "according" to something else.
• "The bounty hunter Samus Aran is the protagonist of Metroid Prime 3: Corruption." Don't know why this is a standalone sentence when it's a repeat of what is detailed in "Characters". To be honest, I fail to see the use of this subsection as it seems to be repeating what's already there except for Gandrayda and the like.
• "Samus and the other bounty hunters attempt to activate the base's defense systems, when they are suddenly attacked by Dark Samus. With the other bounty hunters unconscious, a severely wounded Samus manages to activate the system just in time to destroy the Leviathan Seed before she herself is incapacitated". Poor style. Follows an "X, and then Y, and finally Z" style. I'm wondering why the word "suddenly" should ever be used in this type of summary. Why be brief with "gameplay" and then embellish "story"? I won't be offering any more comments on this section.
• "The game, when shown at E3 2005, looked similar in appearance to Metroid Prime 2: Echoes. However, according to Retro Studios, it would have a much more finished look when completed." Similar according to whom? More finished? What is the use of these sentences?
• "It was also slated". Watch out for informal phrasing.
• "first revealed" A pedantic one maybe, but I'm not sure if something like this can be revealed more than once as, in regards to the WWW, it is no longer hidden.
• "IGN commented on an updated version of the game being played at E3, saying that it "plays better than any first-person console game ever… really."" Save it for "Reception". I'm also unsure whether a paragraph dedicated to sequential delays qualifies as engaging prose.
• "Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is the first game in the Metroid series in which the game characters use fullto feature full voice acting". Think about ways of improving the flow of sentences.
• "Matt Casamassina compared the minimal hype". Again with the informal phrasing.
• "and a battle sequence from within the game". Where else is it going to be from? Even if it's a cut scene, it's still within the game.
• "The channel also enables the user to view promotional artwork by moving the Wii Remote pointer across the screen while holding the "A" button." Such detail is incongruous with the rest of the article; not required to say how this is accessed/manipulated.
• Why are the scores stated in the prose when they're given in the table?
• "making it the first game to receive a perfect score from the publication since the introduction of their new scoring system"... make sure you steer from original synthesis for this one. Is there a source?
• "best of 2007" Shouldn't there be quotation marks or capitalisation of "b" here?
• Ref 17 is missing author info.
• Is MobyGames reliable?
• I'm not sure if ref 27 complies to WP:MOSCAPS.
• Ref 28 is missing author info, as is ref 42.

Okay, generally a decent article, it just needs more polish. Don't have enough time to give it another look once amendments are made, but I'll check over to answer any queries. Cheers. Ashnard _Talk ^Contribs 11:41, 18 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Should be all done now Gary King (talk) 21:54, 27 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Images/Comments from Herr Fuchs

• It would be nice if Image:Metroid-prime-3-screenshot.jpg was replaced with a PNG version of the source image, as jpeg scaling on wikipedia makes the screenshot less legible on the article page.

• Beef up the fair use rationales! See Image:Myst IV box art.jpg.

• As it is, Image:Prime3characters.jpg doesn't do much to provide substantial commentary beyond what we can get for free (the text); the bounty hunters are hard to distinguish and Samus is already represented in the box art. I would recommend removal (unless you can offer a better rationale) and merge the characters section in with the setting.

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^(talk) 17:22, 18 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

All done Gary King (talk) 18:04, 18 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The images look good now. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^(talk) 22:33, 2 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from [ roux ] [x]

• This is a totally personal prejudice, but I find left-aligned images beginning a section to be less readable than right-aligned. Perhaps the image currently in the Gameplay section could be moved elsewhere? I understand the large infobox impinges;
• "The nunchuck allows..." - could this be made clearer? Perhaps something about the motion-sensing capabilities allowing jumps to be made by shaking the nunchuk when in Morph Ball mode?
• "..and health bar for bosses along with the boss name" - perhaps clarify with "when engaged in boss battles" (is there a wikilink for the concept?)
• Visors - should be clarified that visors are upgrades achieved throughout the game
• Spelling: "The events in Metroid Prime 3: Corruption takes"
• Grammar: "the meeting abruptly ends" should be "ends abruptly," I think
• "are slowly being corrupted by the Leviathan seeds" - Leviathan seeds are not explained prior to this mention
• "A few months after E3" - which year?
• "Later he hinted" - looks like a statement to me, not a hint. I'd suggest changing either to 'stated', or 'hinted that xyz, when he said...'
• "...via the Wii Shop Channel, allows Wii..." - should be allowed; similar tense problems later in the paragraph
• "...beautifully designed and is currently the best looking game for the Wii" - should be "was then the best looking" with something saying 'later surpassed by' or some such

That's all I can see. I hope that helps! [ roux ] [x] 14:02, 19 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

All done Gary King (talk) 19:30, 19 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

• Comments
• Ref #4 needs a last accessdate.
• Otherwise, sources appear to be OK, though keep in mind that I'm on a mobile device, and haven't be able to check every source.

–Juliancolton ^{Tropical Cyclone} 15:48, 19 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

All done Gary King (talk) 19:30, 19 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

• Comments: This may just be a personal style preference, but I believe Wikipedia needn't be a review aggregator. I don't think an article needs thirteen reviews just because they exist; there should only be enough to illustrate to the reader a general idea of the game's overall reception. A very large table draws attention towards the numerical aspect of the review section and away from the prose section, where the all-important why a game got god reviews is discussed. --Hydrokinetics12 (talk) 17:57, 26 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  I agree with you. I have removed the review scores that are not used anywhere else in the article. Gary King (talk) 18:07, 26 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

• God, you want me to do everything... I better see some more responses at the Myst V PR then :P

 Doing... --01:31, 3 November 2008 (UTC)