Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Freikorp (talk · contribs) 12:23, 28 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

• Consider wikilinking rifleman
• Do you think it's necessary to mention the titan's serial number (BT-7274) in the lead? Also I don't think it is leadworthy to mention that they were "known internally as "action blocks". This is all fine for the body but I don't think you need to put it in the lead.
• "as well as video games Half-Life" - video games Half-Life? Should this be 'video games including Half-Life' or 'the video game Half-Life'?
• "A heavily modified version of Source powers the game" - I'd say "of the Source engine powers the game" for the benefit of non-gaming readers
• "At launch, the game received critical acclaim" - I'd drop 'At launch' as redundant
• "an arsenal of abilities" - is arsenal the right word for abilities? I note you use arsenal again later to describe the collection of weapons
• "with the aid of a jump kit" - what is a jump-kit? This could use explanation.
• "a sliding mechanic" - also needs explaining
• "the holo-pilot, a holographic pilot that mimics players' action to confuse enemies," - I feel like everything after the first comma should be in brackets
• "At close range, players can execute their opponents from behind" - what do they execute them with? Is it a melee attack?
• "seven Titans are introduced" - I'm only counting six after this mention. Why is Monarch not mentioned until later?
• "Finally, Monarch— added" - is that space after the dash supposed to be there? Same later with "long- or short-"
• "upgrade itself on the fly" - 'on the fly' seems a bit colloquial
• "Maps are sprawling" - what does this mean?
• "in the "Effect and Cause" level, requires players to shift" - grammar
• "Players can rodeo an enemy's Titan" - what exactly does this mean?
• I think guild in "similar to a guild" was supposed to link to Video gaming clan
• "In the wake of the Battle of Demeter" - consider linking Battle of Demeter to the plot section of the first game, rather than just the first game.
• "Militia is on the offensive; battling" - I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure this should just have a regular comma instead of a semicolon
• "a class three" - unless what this means can be clarified (is class three better than class one or vice versa) I don't think it's worth mentioning
• "Jack Cooper is a class three rifleman in the Militia" - repetition; Cooper has already been introduced
• "producer, Drew McCoy" - drop the comma
• The Mohammed Alavi quote box needs a citation
• "between the player character Jack Cooper and his Titan BT-7274" - I'd just say "between Cooper and BT-7274"
• "Lee Wilson provided motion" - isn't Lee his middle name? Shouldn't you just say 'Wilson'?
• Replace "Jack Cooper" with just 'Cooper' where possible, such as "as Jack Cooper transforms"
• Cab you wikilink "occlusion" to something appropriate?
• "controlled by EA not Respawn" - this is very awkward wording. How about "which was controlled by EA rather than Respawn,"?
• "but it could have sold even better" - I'd drop 'even'
• "Zampella claimed" - replace claimed with 'said' or equivalent as per WP:WORDS

Looks good overall. Placing on hold until issues are addressed. Freikorp (talk) 12:48, 28 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Freikorp: - Thanks for the review! I think I have addressed most of your concern. Since I mention BT-7274 in the caption for the cover art, I include it in the lead section. AdrianGamer (talk) 06:56, 29 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looks good to me, happy for this to pass now. :) Freikorp (talk) 11:55, 29 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]