The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Just some quick comments, the repitive use of "he" is annoying Done. I noticed some of your sentences are a couple words long and start with "he". The personal life section needs to be expanded. I'll give a full list of comments later JDOG555 (talk) 21:31, 25 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The lead for this article is good only 2 things I would consider changing or removing Lead seems pretty good, can't seem anything wrong with it
Disregard
"He has endured disciplinary issues that have necessitated transfers in both high school and college." Is this neccessary? Sounds kinda uneeded to me.
Unless you think it is misleading or POV it should remain, IMO. So much of the text describes the issues at Minnesota, that I can't see how you could summarize the article and not include at least that.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:22, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
First line "Born in Minneapolis," expand to something like "Born in Minneapolis, White went to DeLaSalle High School for his freshman to junior years. For his senior year, White went to Hopkins High School. Done
Rewrite "He transferred to Iowa State prior to using any of his athletic eligibility at Minnesota and applied to the NCAA for a waiver to be eligible to play during the 2010–11 NCAA Division I men's basketball season. The NCAA denied his waiver." to something like "He transferred to Iowa State prior to using any of his athletic eligibility at Minnesota and applied to the NCAA for a waiver to be eligible to play during the 2010–11 NCAA Division I men's basketball season, but his waiver was denied."
Well it said "While suspended from the team, he spent some of his extracurricular time on his music career." Add some details about his musical career maybe JDOG555 (talk) 02:14, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.