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Nominator: KGRAMR (talk · contribs) 18:38, 29 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: ProtoDrake (talk · contribs) 19:45, 1 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take this on. If I haven't left anything here in terms of comments, please ping me. --ProtoDrake (talk) 19:45, 1 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've done a first scan through. The references look solid, but the prose needs some work.

The lead's second paragraph could be more succinct about the development history.

Done -- I concised the second paragraph a bit. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:49, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

- Small point about the dates. A: do they need to be there in full? And B: is the Japanese release prominent enough to be featured in the lead?

Done -- I simplified the first paragraph a bit. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:49, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Not sure the game comparison is required in the Gameplay section. Also, Metal Head is double-linked, so removing these would fix the issue.

Done -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:59, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"In 1992, Atari Corporation laid out its plans for a video game console that would later become the Atari Jaguar and wanted Eclipse Software to make games for it." -- This could be phrased a bit better, especially the whole "video game console that would become" bit. It could be phrased as (depending on context) "In 1992, Atari Corporation contacted Eclipse Software about making games for the in-development Atari Jaguar game console." Or something like, just a suggestion.

Done -- I took your suggestion into account. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:38, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

", which upset him and almost cut ties with Atari." -- It looks like there's a word missing here, or it needs rephrasing.

Done -- I added what was missing in this particular sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:51, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"Production of the game lasted ten months and development was completed in under a year." -- This sentence feels like it's just saying the same thing twice with arbitrary differences.

Done -- I changed the sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:43, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"However, the modem was delayed and later canceled in 1995, thus the game was released without online support." -- This might be phrased better, but I'll leave that up to you.

Done -- I changed the sentence a bit. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:09, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

A general note, probably best to shift to the past tense when it comes to reviews.

Done -- Okay so i did some slight changes to some of the reviews but i may have missed others that i didn't noticed at first. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:22, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I thought Time Extension was on Wikipedia's reference black list. Was this ref okayed?

I did a quick check at Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Sources to see Time Extension's status and it's listed as a reliable source. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:55, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"Iron Soldier 2 was completed and sub-licensed by Atari to Telegames, and was released in 1997 after the Jaguar was discontinued." -- Personal opinion, but too many "was"s for comfort.

Done -- I made slight changes to this particular sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:53, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Just out of curiosity, is there any reliable follow-up about the Iron Soldier puzzle thing for Lynx? Was it cancelled? Did it vanish?

I tried looking another source as to what exactly happened to that particular project but to no avail unfortunately... Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:17, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@KGRAMR: That's everything. Not that much, so I won't put the article on hold unless you think it's appropriate.

@ProtoDrake:Done with the first pass! Let me know if there are any lingering details waiting to be addressed. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:23, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]