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Here are some initial comments from a quick scan. After these are addressed, I'll look more closely at the text.
- Images/Infobox
- Songs are supposed to be in quotes rather than italics. This needs to be fixed for the theme song in the infobox.
- It might be helpful to say who is pictured in the captions, so: "Booker T (pictured) fought..."
- The picture of LAX, says both members on the right. Which one is one the left?
- hahahaha I did not even notice that and I stared at that picture for an hour whether to keep it or place in a different one. I should have caught that.WillC 00:27, 11 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- WP:PLOT
- The background seems a bit lengthy. It is almost the same length as the event description itself. Some of the more un-necessary details need to be cut out.
- I haven't watched the Last Man Standing match yet, but I'd imagine at least a little bit can be removed here. I'll let you know when I've seen it and we can fix it together.
Nikki♥311 23:24, 10 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay, I tend to like to explain more than four matches. I feel if you are writing about the event, you should tell about all the matches that got at least a good amount of promotion. I agree the Last Man Standing match is long. I just feel the falls are all notable because some amazing things happened to get them done. AJ and Angle had a fantastic match and are both great athletes, many things you don't normally see in most matches happened because of these two. Just felt like telling about them. But I can cut it down to the last fall if you want.WillC 00:27, 11 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- More issues; WP:PLOT revisited
- It still seems really lengthy in the background section. It is okay to describe more than four matches, but not every single week-by-week detail. For example, in the paragraph detailing Booker T versus Samoa Joe, everything between "unconscious" and "on the July 24" could be taken out and the meaning won't change.
- Sorry, I did the copyedits at 3 am and I guess I wasn't paying close attention. Though I looked and the stuff you want me to remove was what the entire match was built on. Who was the rightful champion.WillC 00:02, 13 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Another example: "On July 31, Team 3D cost Cage and Rhino a match against Beer Money, Inc (Robert Roode and James Storm [James Black]) to be number one contenders to the World Tag Team Championship by lifting up Rhino and then slamming him face and chest first into the mat in a move Team 3D dubbed the 3D, which allowed Roode to cover him for the pinfall victory." It would be more succinct to just say, "On July 31, Team 3D cost Cage and Rhino a match against Beer Money, Inc (Robert Roode and James Storm [James Black]) to be number one contenders to the World Tag Team Championship." It is just the background, so most details like regular wrestling moves are un-necessary.
- "Beer Money assaulted an on-screen fan" - was this a planted fan? It might make more sense, in this instance, to just link to plant. I would normally avoid doing that, but "on-screen fan" seems confusing since real fans were used in the lumberjack match.
- Fixed.WillC 00:02, 13 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Actually, it might make more sense to combine "On the July 17 episode of Impact!, Beer Money assaulted an on-screen fan, in what they called "Beer Money" Revenge. The attacks continued each week on Impact!, going as far as to assault LAX's manager." --> "In the following weeks, Beer Money, Inc. assaulted both a planted fan, an actor posing as a fan, as well as LAX's manager."
- Fixed.WillC 00:02, 13 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- "who was making his unknown scripted arrival when he was not scheduled to be there" - there has to be a better way to word this.
- For the Angle/Styles match, I think the first fall can be cut out. "The first fall on the match came when Styles countered Angle trying to perform one of Styles signature maneuvers the Styles Clash into one of Angle's signature maneuvers the Ankle lock submission hold, which caused Angle to submit. The referee then began the count, however, Angle reached his feet before the count of ten. The next fall came when Angle grabbed Styles while the two were standing..." --> "After a fall attempt by Styles, Angle grabbed Styles while the two were standing..."
Nikki♥311 23:36, 12 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Don't think I've forgotten about this...I'll be back tomorrow (Monday) night with some more suggestions. Nikki♥311 01:13, 15 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay.WillC 01:18, 15 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Booker T and Joe
The last thing that is bothering me is the paragraph about their feud in the background. It still seems way to detailed to me, but I get what you are saying. Maybe the information about Sting can be removed since he didn't factor into the match at Hard Justice at all? Nikki♥311 02:53, 16 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Well Sting's interference set up the entire match. If Sting had not interfeared Joe would have won and Booker T would have never had a rematch. I'll try to fix it.WillC 03:05, 16 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay. What you did was good enough. I feel comfortable passing the article now. Nikki♥311 03:18, 16 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for passing it.WillC 04:43, 16 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]