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Reviewer: Indrian (talk · contribs) 14:42, 5 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I’ll tackle this one, and I promise we will wrap up a little more quickly than last time! Comments to follow shortly. Indrian (talk) 14:42, 5 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Starting the review. Not finished yet, more to come. Indrian (talk) 15:24, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

• "The player whose vehicle has been hit less at the end is the winner." - While technically true, this is an awkward way to phrase this. Probably better to say something about how a player scores a point for hitting their opponent and the player with the most points when time runs out wins.

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:26, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• "The game was being made while the Atari 2600 was still in development, and like many games for the system, it was based on popular arcade games, with Combat being similar to Tank." - Awkward compound sentence, as the two ideas (that it was created during the development of the system and that it was based on Tank) are not really connected. Also "was being made" is an awkward verb.

Tried re-phrasing. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:26, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• Not sure exactly where this should go, but mentioning it here. All the early VCS games were released by Sears through its Tele-Games line with different names. Combat was known as Tank-Plus. This needs to be mentioned somewhere in the article for completeness.

I've added it to the release section. From all the research i've done, the common name of the game is Combat, but getting the Sears title in is important. I've included it in the release section with a citation. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:26, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Gameplay

• "The player whose tank or aircraft has been hit less at the end of two minutes and sixteen seconds is the winner." - As in the lead, this is an awkward way to frame win conditions.

Tried re-phrasing. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:30, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• "Early development on the game existed by late 1975 by Steve Mayer." - Awkward sentence.

Re-phrased. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:30, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Development

• "Combat was made to fit into a two Kilobyte cartridge's ROM." - Passive voice, and "made" is a poor verb choice.

Tried re-phrasing. Hope this helps. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:42, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• "Nick Monfrot stated that the code was made in assembly language with early work done it by Joe Decuir who was working on the VCS hardware with Miner." - "Was made" is back. Code is not generally referred to as made in the manner.

Swapped some words around. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:42, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• "Ron Milner and Steve Mayer conceived of what became Combat I was an implement" - This is a quote, so maybe he just spoke awkwardly, but the gammar is funky. I would double check the quote.

I'm gathering you mean the "conceived of what became", which is what the quote says, I did however mess up as it's "implementer" not implement". So i've changed that. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:42, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• "Decuir had most of the game made" - Made again. "Decuir completed most of the game" or something similar would work better.

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:42, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• "while it was put into its final form by Larry Wagner" - Passive voice.

Rephrased this sentence. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:42, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Release

• "Combat was bundled in with the release of the Atari 2600 from 1977 to 1982." - Mostly true, but this neglects the Sears Tele-Games Video Arcade release of the VCS, which was packaged with Air-Sea Battle instead under the name Target Fun.

Ahh just got to this. I've edited it this in from earlier requests. :) Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:42, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

• "noting that the simple graphics and sound fail to give a true impression of the game, noting its high replay value and "highly entertaining cat-and-mouse action."" - Having two dependent clauses in a row starting with "noting" is awkward. Rephrase.

Re-phrased. Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:49, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

And that's it. We mostly have some grammar cleanup here along with a few holes surrounding the Sears release of the game. Therefore, I will place this nomination  On hold while these issues are addressed. Indrian (talk) 02:31, 19 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for looking into this @Indrian:, I believe I've covered your comments. Anything else? Andrzejbanas (talk) 02:49, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I was about to hop on and help out but I guess you got it covered, haha. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 03:34, 23 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I went ahead an made a few more edits for grammar and flow, and everything looks good now. I will go ahead and promote. Indrian (talk) 06:42, 2 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]