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Reviewer: MarioSoulTruthFan (talk · contribs) 15:36, 16 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Sunday/Monday MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:50, 18 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

MarioSoulTruthFan Good, that's more than a week before I go on holiday so I will be able to respond in time! Kyle Peake (talk) 19:40, 18 July 2019 (UTC)--[reply]

• Fine

• All Day" is a single by American recording artist Kanye West. → All Day" is a single by American recording artist Kanye West.
• The song was produced by West, Puff Daddy, French Montana, Velous, Charlie Heat, Mike Dean, Noah Goldstein, Plain Pat, Travis Scott, Allen Ritter, and Mario Winans → just remove it, it looks like a supermarket list
• Initially leaked in August 2014 → The song initially leaked in August 2014
• he debuted it with a performance at the 2015 Brit Awards. → wasn't it premiered on a radio station?
• as a non-album single → at the time of release you didn't know this, only later on

  Though it was changed by me I'm not too sure about the wording, you could change it if you want as it's only a small edit

• The musical style has been described as including elements of industrial and drill music. → The song includes elements of industrial and drill music.
• The song was met with generally positive reviews from music critics → It makes it seem they are talking about "I Feel Like That"
• in the US and UK respectively → in the US and UK, respectively

 Done for all with a few changes

• "Only One" and "FourFiveSeconds" → dates and Rihanna feature
• McCartney described West as gathering musical elements → @Kyle Peake: what do you mean?  Not done

MarioSoulTruthFan Good now? Kyle Peake (talk) 21:09, 25 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

No, what does "gathering musical elements" means? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:13, 25 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

MarioSoulTruthFan I don't really see how it doesn't make sense, I quoted the information as best as possible from the source. Have a look at it and maybe see if you could recommend any re-wordings? --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:11, 26 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

He picks up the drums, the guitar and melts everything together or is it some expression I'm not familiar with? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 09:14, 26 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

MarioSoulTruthFan I'm actually not 100% sure as McCartney didn't specify it, removed as there is still other background info. Pass now? Kyle Peake (talk) 14:03, 26 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

• McCartney also said that he "was actually pleased with it → please with the record or the n-word?
• "super nerve-racking" → remove super, reads weirdly
• "a promising hint at things to come" → this is just poor English on Melissa Locker's part. Needs to be re-written
• "All Day" was debuted live → "All Day" was premiered live
• The production credits were heavy, with a total of 11 people being listed as producers. West, French Montana, Puff Daddy, Velous, Charlie Heat, Mike Dean, Noah Goldstein, Plain Pat, Travis Scott, Allen Ritter, and Mario Winans were responsible for the production → Don't list all of this people, either use a note to mention all of them or just state a couple. Perhaps the former.
• "A reference track for "All Day" by co-writer Kendrick Lamar, which was initially thought to be a remix, leaked online in April." → What is a reference track? could be "co-written by American rapper..."

A reference track means a track laid out for the flow of the main artist.

 Done

Thanks for the explanation, please add the "co-written by American rapper"

 Done

• So this section is a bit messy, with lyrics in between the description of the song.
• The song is about winning → what do you mean with winning? Achieving success, awards and so on? If so write the latter.
• A voice box melody is included at the beginning of it. → place this after mentioning the reggae sample
• The ending section of the song contains a sample of McCartney's whistling on "Two Fingers", as confirmed by a representative for West → remove "as confirmed by a representative for West" and place the sentence after the one mentioned above

 Done but didn't place the above where you requested as it is the ending of the song so should be end of para. Also the section is currently ordered in the order of the song's musical elements that I know come after one another from having heard it. I didn't put directly "after this", so doing this order does not amount to WP:OR.

Agree MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:10, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

• iTunes Stores worldwide → in various countries
• that same day → On the same day, it was also serviced
• for it instead → for the single

 Done

• "Kanye's rapping harder, faster, sharper than ever: Years and years into his evolving style, he's fashioned his voice into something dull and jagged at once, a hacked-off piece of jetliner assaulting the beat. Here, he seethes, collapsing all the spaces in between the words until he sounds like James Brown imitating a tommy gun." → use your own words more often, this straight copy and past
• West's flow is absolutely crazy and the music is catchy enough to get the most shiftless couch potato to abandon those comfy cushions and get to dancing."[18] Foy elaborated, writing that it "also has the potential to put folks in a sulky mood because their daily itineraries probably come nowhere close to what Yeezy's been doing all day. → same as previous
• "'Gold Digger' or 'Stronger' or 'Slow Jamz' " → "Gold Digger" or "Stronger" or "Slow Jamz" + release dates for each one

The second doesn't pass the copyvio as offensive and reads better in quotes

It's not about that, it's about using your own words the most you can if those quotes can be easily replaced, which is the case. "West's flow is outstanding and the song is "catchy enough" to make anyone dance. Foy elaborated, writing that listenres might get grumpy as the rapper's daily routine is more excinting than theirs." Just an example

 Done

• though ultimately won neither of the awards → remove it. If it was nominated it is intended as it didn't win.
• and ultimately lost to French DJ David Guetta's single "Hey Mama". → , ultimately losing to French DJ David Guetta's single "Hey Mama". → year of release of "Hey Mama".

 Done

• It was not released on So Help Me God after the album was scrapped and replaced with The Life of Pablo, which did not include the song. → You have already mentioned this above. On top of that, this is not the appropriate section for it. Please remove it

This is my bad, that sentence is referencing "I Feel Like That" not the single; fixed.

It is still not the appropriate section or it. Perhaps a note for it, like the one for the producers and co-producers? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:48, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Alright now?

Yes MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:09, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

• I would merge both sections and remove the subtitles, if the reception had more information/reviews it would be worth.
• Edit; gave subsections but only notable ones this time around

 Done

• The Verge claimed → The Verge said

 Done

• it was not West's only chart success of the week, as "FourFiveSeconds" peaked at number three on the same date → bias and with the first sentence; "while "FourFiveSeconds" peaked at number three on the same date"
• Please mention how many weeks "All Day" spent on the UK Singles Chart
• Additionally, the song and "FourFiveSeconds" became his first top-20 singles in the United States since 2013's "Bound 2" → remove it, add it to "FourFiveSeconds" article

As it is giving parallel of the performance that the two songs experienced, so wouldn't call this trivial since they are relevant/notable comparisons throughout; this is similar to the information given by you on "That's What I Like" about other singles.

To begin with, it is very different from That's What I Like "It surpassed his previous seven-week number-one runs for "Just the Way You Are" (2010) and "Locked Out of Heaven" (2013)" → I'm talking about breaking his own records. I took a closer look at West's discography and he spent a year out of the top 20, but during that year he only released one song, and tbh "FourFiveSeconds" is a top ten single. It's not like he spent 5 years out of the top 20. Makes no sense writing this. Is if I wrote "Grenade is Mars second number-one single since his last Just The Way You Are" (first and second single from his debut album).

It's similar to you referencing other songs like Kendrick Lamar's work even though they are not by Mars. I don't see any reason to remove this, plus "Only One" failed to reach the top 20 though it was released on New Year's Eve so couldn't chart until '15.

Different because he replaced Lamar at the top of the chart and was blocked by Shape of You for 4 weeks. A very different case, I don't mention this on other articles that song's don't go to the top position. Let's try this, "Additionally, the song and "FourFiveSeconds" became his first top-20 singles in the United States since 2013's "Bound 2"" → Additionally, the song became his second top-20 single in the United States in 2015?

• selling 140,000 downloads in its first week and this lead to it entering atop of the US Rap Digital Songs chart → add the streams and airplay of the first week, its also in the article
• The song stood as West's first single to debut at number one on the chart and followed "Clique" as his second to reach the position → It is West's first single, as lead artist, to debut at number one on the chart, followed by "Clique" (2012).
• By reaching number 6 on the US Billboard Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, the song marked West's 22nd top ten single on the chart → It became the rapper's 22nd top ten single on the chart, debuting at number 6 on the US Billboard Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart
• Rap Airplay chart, standing as West's third highest debut on the chart → don't wikilink it, becoming West's third highest debut on the chart
• That same month, fellow West and McCartney collaboration "Only One" achieved the same certification in the country → remove it, let's make it about "All Day"

This is not trivial as it is giving the parallel in performance of a fellow West and McCartney collab

Not saying it's trivial, but this is just not the place for it. Doesn't matter who is featured on the single.

It's giving a parallel in performance of a relevant single so I am not removing it as it gives information of interest to the topic.

You are comparing certifications of other singles if that's the case you need to add all the certifications of the other singles. I never saw this on any other articles. I don't understand why is it so interesting for this topic. The certification of this song is indeed important.

I am only comparing this certification as they were certified in the same month and both are West/McCartney collabs so it is notable, not adding every single as that would be overkill and I didn't imply to do so. Can you find anything against this at MOS? --Kyle Peake (talk) 12:32, 24 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Let's be realistic here. So if we take a look at other examples like this you have songs by Rhianna with Drake and others by Rhianna and Eminem with some being GA's and FA's articles that don't draw these comparisons, might do some commercial performance comparison but not in certifications (different timings, sales going down and so on). MOS is not that specific and you know that. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:21, 24 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

• The track also reached the top 20 in Scotland, peaking at number 19 on the Scottish Singles Chart. → move this to the paragraph below
• NZ Singles Chart → Official NZ Singles Chart
• the Belgium Ultratip Flanders chart respectively → remove it as it's similar to US bubbling under and add Belgium Urban (Ultratop Flanders) instead.

What about the Wallonia chart?

So the ultratip works like Hot 100 bubbling under, it's not an important peak, so replace it by the Belgium Urban (Ultratop Flanders)

• I would keep the US chart stats on one paragraph alone and put the UK chart stats on the second

 Done

• West was confirmed to perform last minute, with Candice Morrissey giving confirmation of his appearance the day before the awards took place → West's performance was announced by Candice Morrissey a day before the awards took place.
• that's a look." suggesting that it was simply a fashion statement → that's a look", suggesting that it was simply a fashion statement

 Done

• Merge with the above section and rename it "Live performances and other usage"
• "The song was used in Audi's TV" → which one? The West or the Mande's one?

What do those mean?

I don't understand which version was used for the commercial.

Oh so that's what you meant... changed to "the single" as Mande's track wasn't a single.

 Done

• Fine.

• Special Thanks: Kyle Hung, Bryan Perera, Guy Shteinman, and Elias Zuber. → remove it
• Can you find where it was mastered?
• Put first the person and then its roles. See 1

 Done but not for second

• Fine

• Remove both as they are component charts of Billboard Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs, after October 2015, Hot Rap Songs became a component chart

 Not done if they didn't chart on the other charts you can add and the song didn't chart on any major year-end charts so these can be added to this sub-section; see WP:USCHARTS.

I agree with you. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:56, 21 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

• I fixed it for you

• There are 14 references regarding this. It's just overkill, cut it to seven. Even the pitchfork source says its available on iTunes (despite only linking to US)

Those are all of the countries it charted in and once I've done it, it's not like anyone is offended by it

It's not about charting, it could have charted in 100 countries you would have added the 100 release dates, it makes no sense. I'm sure it was released in more countries.

I never said that, it's only 14 countries which isn't that many and plus once I've put in the effort to add a source referencing all of them, it's not offending anyone to leave the source as these are the only "notable" countries; this is similar to "Turn Up The Music" or "Don't Wake Me Up".

Revelant countries for you, I might not consider them revelant. I might call on other editor to give input on this matter, as we can't see to agree on this. What do you think? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:17, 21 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Well just think about it: is 14 really that much? Plus as I said, once I've already added it, the content isn't offensive and it is relevant as the song was top 100 in all of those countries - I'm not adding countries it didn't chart in. Do you understand now?

That's beside the point, it's not about being offensive. I could add a country it didn't chart in, that doesn't matter. It is relevant finding a source it says it was released in various countries in iTunes when that doesn't happen. Add a couple of iTunes links. Not 14 of them. Honestly, you could use the Pitchfork source and it would be fine as it says it was released on Itunes. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:44, 21 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Only links to US iTunes though, could you look at MOS to find anything against this? That's better than reaching out to other editor(s).

1 "Normally, only one official link is included. If the subject of the article has more than one official website, then more than one link may be appropriate, under a very few limited circumstances." → "Choose the minimum number of links that provide readers with the maximum amount of information." Sure it's not directly at this but at the same time it is as falls under the same umbrella. I'm giving you seven, more than enough. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:19, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

 Done

• Fine

• Remove GQ Style → need to be consistent (only work), if not you need to add publisher to all of the others. Same for MTV Networks, FACT, Hearst Magazines US, NME Blogs, EW.com. iTunes is also a publisher
• MTV is the publisher, not work
• Had some concerns regarding Uproxx, but it seems legit.
• fmqb.com → FMQB
• grammy.com →
• Link the certifications from its own table, otherwise it's just overlinking with no reasoning to it. BPI and RIAA sources (39 and 42)
• So the linking of the "commercial performance" is a bit messy, you should use the link to each country using the Weekly charts table. So Denmark, you use "refname" for the Danish chart, not the Belgium one. The same goes for every other countries. As a user might want to dig a little deeper into the weeks and see if the information is reliable. Be aware of the Irish charts.

The belgium chart gives all of the chart positions and others have used it because of this, plus the source is reliable

That's not what I meant, let me explain it better. I'm trying to say is to link each country to their own peak on the chart table as if a reader wants to digger deep on let's say the Danish chart is automatically directed to the weeks it spent on the chart, number of those and so on. This way it doesn't have to go to Belgium chart to then change to the Danish one. Am I making myself clear? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:18, 22 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

• Bossip is a non-rebliable source, so remove it.

 Done

• Fine

• Don't address any comments until I fully review the article.

  Sorry didn't see this initially, thanks for taking time to begin this review.

MarioSoulTruthFan addressed everything, pass now? --Kyle Peake (talk) 06:04, 25 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I will check it today, later on. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:29, 25 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Dope, only one day before I go on holiday. --Kyle Peake (talk) 17:44, 25 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: missing something on the background section. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 20:19, 25 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]