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Nominator: Andrzejbanas (talk · contribs) 19:44, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 22:35, 4 September 2024 (UTC)
Reviewing this; I do reviews by noting down comments as I read through the article.
"A pilot of an intergalactic space cruiser..."- abrupt shift, consider starting with "In the game, a pilot of an..."
"the team at Activision felt it should be taken on a different form to separate itself from various space shooter games"-> "the team at Activision felt it needed a different form to separate itself from various space shooter games"
"The game would receive the"- tense shift; "The game received the"
"while Video and Computer Gaming Illustrated declared"- not actually simultaneous, and it was declared in 1984 while the 2600 was produced for years after, so "and in 1984 Video and Computer Gaming Illustrated declared"
"At home after falling asleep, the player finds themselves in a nightmare"- confuses the player and the pilot, implying that the player falls asleep. Swap to "the pilot finds themselves"
"by firing their missile launcher at them"-> "by firing the ship's missile launcher at them", "their" is ambiguous
"In guided missiles, the missiles can be steered"-> "Guided missiles can be steered"
"After being hired by Activision, Cartwright had to develop a game."- that's the usual order, yes- drop this sentence, and make the next one "Megamania was his second game for Activision following Barnstorming (1982)."
"He recalled the influence to create the game was after he had seen Astro Blaster at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant."-> "He was inspired to create the game after seeing Astro Blaster at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant."
"On designing the ship, he realized how simple the graphics had to be for the system with eight bits and one color for the ship."-> "Designing the ship showed him how simple the graphics had to be for the system, as he could only use eight bits and one color for the ship."
"Developing for the Atari 2600 was difficult, with Cartwright stating that the code to define how the objects displayed was very complicated, noting it required multiple objects moving horizontally, passing each other vertically, missiles passing vertically through rows of objects, which Cartwright explained as "might seem like a trivial task using today's technology actually took months of late-night coding to figure out.""- this sentence is a lot! Try "Cartwright found developing the game for the Atari 2600 to be difficult, especially for the code to define how objects were displayed. It required handling multiple objects moving horizontally, passing each other vertically, and missiles passing vertically through rows of objects, which Cartwright explained as that what "might seem like a trivial task using today's technology actually took months of late-night coding to figure out.""
"Megamania was coded to fit a 4 kilobyte ROM for its graphics, code and sound. It took over nine months to code."- overuse of code; try "Megamania was designed to fit a 4 kilobyte ROM for its graphics, code and sound. It took over nine months to develop."
"After completing code for gameplay"-> "After completing development of the gameplay"
"over loaded with outerspace-themed"-> "overloaded with space-themed"
"but were confident in the gameplay"-> "but was confident in the gameplay"
"Some ideas were to title the game Space Game"- you only list one and have game twice in a row, so "Ideas included titling it Space Game"
" Jim Levy did not include Megamania as being among Activision's game that had sold over one-million"-> "Sales figures are not known, but Jim Levy did not include Megamania in a list of Activision's games that had sold over one million copies"
"consoles like the ColecoVision, Atari 5200 and computers such as the Commodore 64 and MSX"-> "consoles like the ColecoVision and Atari 5200 and computers such as the Commodore 64 and MSX"
"an anonymous reviewer called "one of"-> "an anonymous reviewer called it "one of". Same sentence:
"and that"-> "and said that"
"complicated patterns that enemies approach you in Megamania"-> "complicated patterns that enemies use to approach the player in Megamania"
"at the 4th annual Arkie Awards"-> "at the 4th annual Arkie Awards in 1983", since it's not clear what year we're talking about here
"specifically highlighting the games various enemy designs"-> "specifically highlighting the game's various enemy designs"
"only being beaten by Centipede"-> "only beaten by Centipede"
"stating the gameplay was slick and fast Megamania remained a"-> "stating the gameplay was slick and fast, and Megamania remained a"
"Cartwright would continue work at Activision"-> "Cartwright continued to work at Activision". Actually, everywhere you use "would" in the next few sentences, change it to past tense - "Frostbite had roots", "Cartwright re-used the code", "He later worked on other series". The article is written in past tense "this is what happened", not documentary style "we're in the past looking into the future that happened after that"
That's all I've got; it's essentially all grammar issues to tweak. There aren't any major structural issues that I can see and the sources checked out. --PresN 22:35, 4 September 2024 (UTC)