This peer review discussion has been closed.
Hi, I've adopted the style used in the featured List of Manchester City F.C. managers, i.e. with a large prose section preceding the table, and comments on this section are particularly invited, though I'd be grateful for any feedback you can offer to help this eventually gain featured status. cheers, Struway2 (talk) 11:42, 5 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Good work, Stru, here's a few little things I picked up on........
- If the club's current name is shown in the lead with the "F.C." in place, shouldn't it be appended to the former names too, for consistency? – removed first F.C.
- The sentence about Alex Watson is a bit grammatically shaky, it should probably read "Successor Alex Watson's two seasons in charge ended with the club having to apply for re-election to the league and Watson handing responsibility for team affairs...." – reworded
- "Billy Beer[7] and Bill Harvey[8] kept them in the lower half of the First Division" - could be construed as implying that these two managers actively stopped the club from getting into the top half, maybe try "....kept them in the First Division, albeit in the lower half of the table" – reworded verbatim, thank you
- "Merrick is the only manager to have won a major trophy" - I know what you mean, but it reads kinda like no other manager of any club has ever won a trophy. I know this sounds daft, but it's worth re-wording slightly for total clarity – reworded
- Is the reference about the fine for poaching Fry really relevant to the table? It's already mentioned (and referenced, with a different source) in the body text, I can't really see why it's referenced again in the table..... – historical reasons :-) i.e left over from before I decided to have a detailed history section, gone now
Overall it looks really good, hope this helps.... ChrisTheDude (talk) 21:48, 8 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- thanks for taking the trouble to look at it, cheers, Struway2 (talk) 11:08, 9 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Very nice. Some comments which may (or most probably may not) be of use!
- "secretary-manager" why italics?
- Pass. Would you put quotes round it, or leave it as an ordinary word?
- I'm sure the MOS is clear (I haven't checked) and I'm sure you're right but didn't "Jones's" used to be "Jones'"?
- " He also forgot to enter them in the 1922 FA Cup." - this doesn't flow quite right, it's a very short sentence which is a little trivia-esque.. could it be expanded upon? The previous sentence talks about the good things and this is then kind of wedged in...
- It's a very short sentence which, far from being kind of wedged in, deliberately contrasts in style to the preceding flow of good things. Stops the reader falling asleep.
- " Bradford, Crosbie and Tremelling " any reason why you haven't included their full names?
- Excess of space-saving zeal, probably. The section was threatening to sprawl its way to a complete history of the club. I'll put them in.
- Remove "the" from the Second World War link. doing
- You could easily move [18] to the other side of the comma. doing
- Same with 41 and 37... doing
- "first team" or "first-team"?
- Both, I think. In the lead, it's an ordinary adjective and noun, so there's no reason for a hyphen. Later on, it's a compound adjective so would normally be hyphenated. See Hyphen#Compound modifiers.
- "except" again, why italics? Pass. Removing.
- Nationalities need to be linked all the way down the table, it can be reordered after all. doing
- Something Matthew mentioned to me on one of my FLCs, consider linking English to English people?
- I'd consider it, but would need convincing. The xxxx-ish people articles tend to be about an ethnic group rather than a nationality (although English people is more inclusive), and I don't think I'm really referring to the managers' ethnicity. An admittedly extreme example: Tony Cascarino's country appears in player lists as Ireland, because he played international football for them, yet linking to Irish people would be completely inappropriate, as his only claim to Irishness was his mother's adoption by an Irishman. Perhaps Matthew/someone will raise the matter when this goes to FLC.
Otherwise it'd get my support at FLC. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:56, 11 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- thank you for taking the trouble to look at it, cheers, Struway2 (talk) 09:11, 12 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]