there is a gap in content here. It should be made clear in the narrative that Nash held the role of Minister of Finance for 14 years, including through the period of World War II. Looking at Minister_of_Finance_(New_Zealand)#List_of_Finance_Ministers, it appears that Nash is the longest-serving Minister of Finance in New Zealand's history. One option is to include this in the opening of this section.
I suggest the first few sentences are reworked as follows:
"When Labour won the 1935 election under the leadership of Michael Joseph Savage, Nash was appointed to Cabinet as Minister of Finance. He held this role for the next 14 years, including the duration of World War II, making him the longest-serving Minister of Finance in New Zealand's history. During his time in Cabinet, he also held other portfolios including Minister of Customs, Minister of Statistics, Minister of Marketing, Minister of Revenue and Minister for Social Security.
I propose replacing: "He would retain the finance portfolio for the next 14 years, holding it longer consecutively than anyone else." with two sentences: "Nash remained as Minister of Finance for the next 14 years. As of 2023, he has the longest period of continuous service in that role." This avoids the use of the conditional "would", and "longer consecutively".
the phrase "He reintroduced a graduated land tax at high rates.." could be improved for greater clarity. If this land tax was reintroduced, how long had it not been in effect ?. Also, what does "high" mean ? In relation to what ?
The sentence beginning "Although some unemployment persisted,.." would be best split into two, after "policies". The words "which saw them" could be replaced by more encyclopedic language, such as "The changes in economic policy included ..."
Add a comma after "The negotiations were only partially successful.."
The third paragraph about Jewish refugees does not relate to content before or after. Some improved linkage is required, and ideally this will clarify why it is relevant to include this under "Minister of Finance".
- I actually cannot find any other info related to this point so to expand it. It seems like a rogue quote so I have removed it.Kiwichris (talk) 01:19, 7 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"Nash, however, was supported by both Savage and Fraser .." would be better as "However, Nash was supported by both Savage and Fraser.." This has better flow and avoids three successive sentences beginning with "Nash".
Revise the sentence "Nash instead stated the government would react by introducing exchange controls and import selection which he stated in January 1939 would allow the country to maintain its living standards while ensuring the country could live within its income." to avoid two uses of "stated" in one sentence. Also try to avoid having "Nash" as the first word in two successive sentences.
the phrase " but thought they was no immediate need until now." could be removed.
the words in parentheses here "Nash's proposals (which conflicted with agreements at 1932's British Empire Economic Conference)... " break the flow of the sentence, and makes it overly long. This content would be better reworked as a second sentence after "memorandum".
this sentence is still hard to read: "Nash's proposals to control primary produce marketing and make trade agreements so as to determine what would be imported and in what quantities were criticised strongly abroad". A shorter alternative could be: "Nash's proposals to control primary produce marketing and restrict imports were strongly criticised abroad".
"borrowing would be necessary " should be "borrowing was necessary"
the sentence fragment "to seek loans and to reassure (in vain) that .." is unclear. Reassure who ?
This sentence should be split: "In the immediate period before the exchange controls system could be established, borrowing was necessary and Nash returned to Britain in April 1939 to seek loans and to reassure the British government (in vain) that existing British exports would not be harmed." Put a full stop after "necessary". (Note: A guideline for length of sentences is to review anything longer than 22 words, to enable easier reading).
"two months in negotiations to hostile officials" should be "two months in negotiations with hostile officials"
This sentence doesn't flow, and needs reworking: "This proposal, that British manufacturers should export themselves rather than their products, a method Nash thought New Zealand could industrialize with minimal need for borrowing, was rejected."
The sentence "Eventually he secured loan of £16 million, but was subject to very harsh terms, which required it to be repaid in five annual instalments." would be better rewritten as: "Nash eventually secured a loan of £16 million, but it was subject to very harsh terms, requiring repayment in five annual instalments."
The sentence: "Over the next few months New Zealand's sterling reserves built up with haste allowing its economic stability to quickly recover which also gave it more than enough money to repay the recent loan" could be simplified to: "Over the next few months, New Zealand's sterling reserves built up quickly and economic stability was restored. The country was then able to repay the loan from Britain."
The first part of this sentence comes out of nowhere: "With Savage seriously ill, the first years of World War II were difficult for the Labour Party. " It would be better revised to "The first years of World War II were difficult for the Labour Party, because Savage was seriously ill."
The sentence "Nash, himself, reluctantly abandoned his earlier pacifism, deeming the war a necessary one." needs rework for better flow. Also, please review where this should be placed in the section, because it currently doesn't link with content either before or after.
"inevitable in any case by the overtly aggressive actions..." should be "inevitable in any case because of the overtly aggressive actions..."
The content about Nash's appointment as Minister from New Zealand in the United States should be in a new paragraph.
The phrase "..but as Minister of Finance frequently returned to Wellington" would be better as "but he frequently returned to Wellington to fulfil his role as as Minister of Finance"
The sentence "So Geoffrey Cox the chargé d'affairs was head of the legation for 11 of the 21 months that Cox was in the United States." would be better as "As a result of Nash's frequent absences, Geoffrey Cox, the First Secretary at the New Zealand Embassy, was chargé d'affaires for 11 out of the 21 months that he was posted to Washington."
a wikilink is needed for chargé d'affaires
This sentence: "Nash was difficult to work for: he was unable to delegate and accumulated files before making a decision, and was inconsiderate of staff." would be better as: "Nash was difficult to work for. He was unable to delegate, accumulated files before making a decision, and was inconsiderate of staff.
For the final paragraph in this section I suggest a rewrite to: "By the time of the 1949 election, the Labour government had become increasingly unpopular, partly as a result of industrial strife and inflation. The election was won by the National Party, led by Sidney Holland."
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