Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Overall, a good article. I'll finish the review a little later, but for now, here is Lead and Story:

Lead

• The link to Stranger in the lead doesn't link to its intended section.
• Civilization and travelling are both used in the article. Use either AmE or BrE consistently.
• 12 million copies. - I may be wrong, but I was always taught that numbers from 1-12 should be written in letters.
• Myst drove adoption of personal computers and CD-drives, an attracted nongamers with its nonviolent gameplay. - First of all: what does it mean to drive adoption? Secondly, what is a CD-drive? A link would be good. Lastly, "an attracted"; is this a misspelling of "and"? And there may be too many "non"s in that sentence.
  • I still don't know what to "drive adoption" means.
• Ubisoft is linked twice in the infobox. Once is enough.
• Infobox: First release Myst / 1993 - Putting the year in parenthesis makes more sense to me.

Story

• ten thousand years ago - shouldn't it be 10,000?
• What is a "surface dweller"?
• Soon after D'ni - needs a comma before D'ni.
• realMyst in the image caption doesn't link to its intended section.
• their father's Ages trap - This sounds better: "their father's Ages they trap"
• the brothers strand him in D'ni before they themselves - Is D'ni a location? It's not mentioned earlier, so I was a little confused.
• Atrus' daughter Yeesha - "Atrus' daughter" is unnecessary as it's mentioned earlier. The Prince (talk) 12:41, 28 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Games

• Sony PlayStation redirects to PlayStation
  • There is another Sony PlayStation link in the article.
• Myst (video game) redirects to Myst
• 3DO should be linked to 3DO Interactive Multiplayer
• In Myst players - Needs a comma before "players"
• Uru: Ages Beyond Myst#Multiplayer doesn't link to its intended section. I would also decapitalise "Multiplayer".
• Uru was to ship with a Massively multiplayer online portion, Uru Live - I would change that to: "Uru was to ship with a massively multiplayer online portion, Uru Live". I would also link to Myst Online: Uru Live
  • "Massively" needs to be decapitalised. Also, I believe there is a main article for Myst Online: Uru Live.
• I would link prerendered with pre-rendering

I have done all of the above: in re. to Myst / 1993, that's just the template output; i can see about bringing it up on the talk page. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^(talk) 15:48, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Development

• I would link to the Miller brothers in the first sentence.
• J.R.R. Tolkien redirects to J. R. R. Tolkien and Robert Heinlein to Robert A. Heinlein
• The two brothers formed - "Brothers" is used a little too often, IMO. Here, I would change it to "they".
• videogame -> video game
• Comma before and after Dunnyhut.
• With Miller stating - Rand or Robyn?
• developing a sequel to several development companies who developed - overuse of the word "develop"
• rendered in real time - you've previously written real time as realtime. Only one form should be used.
• Actor's faces - put "The" before "actors"
• D'ni. D'ni - sounds a little awkward
• (pronounced [dəˈni:]) - why does this appear so late? D'ni has been mentioned several times before. I suggest putting it after D'ni the first time it's mentioned.
• D'ni links to this article. Might as well remove it.
• Myst franchise. - link is unnecessary here. Also, put Myst in italics.

Music

• and so Robyn Miller - change to: and as such Robyn Miller
• Robyn Miller would also produce the music for Riven - change to "He" as he is mentioned in the sentence before.
• Jack Wall should link to Jack Wall (composer)
• created the music, creating - overuse of the word "creating"

Adaptations

• three book, US$1 million book deal - hyphenate three-book. I also don't think the second "book" is necessary.
• entitled Myst: The Book of Black Ships - you've already used the word "entitled" twice. Change to "called".
• September 3, 1997 - this can be unlinked.
• Columbia TriStar redirects to Columbia Pictures
• Sci Fi Channel - 15 channels are called this
• The developers entered into talks with McIntire and Vanderbosch, and gave the filmmakers permission to begin production. - Firstly, what does it mean to "enter into talks"? Secondly, I think you can simply say: "and gave them permission to begin production". The Prince (talk) 20:48, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Second point not addressed.

Reception

• 6 million units - 6 should be written in letters
• 12 million copies - Same as above.
• 1UP -> 1UP.com
• Fans consider Myst - italicise Myst.
• Salon (magazine) redirects to Salon.com
• while authors heralded - Who?
  • The authors should be linked as they have their own articles.
• 'antiquated' - shouldn't it be in "" quotes?
• violence, dying, failure - is there an "and" missing?

References

• Apple Inc redirects to Apple Inc.
  • One more.
• Spokesman Review redirects to The Spokesman-Review
• 1UP should be written out as 1UP.com
• Gamesindustry.biz doesn't have its own article, so I suggest removing that link
• Wired Magazine redirects to Wired (magazine)
• .MOV - Is this link really necessary?
  • Quicktime -> QuickTime
• CD-ROM - same as above
• Salon (magazine) redirects to Salon.com
• Game Developer -> Game Developer (magazine)
• The Denver Post - should be in italics
• I don't think the year in the RPGFan ref is necessary.
• Sci Fi Channel, same as 5th point in "Adaptations"
• The Escapist - should be in italics.
• New York Times redirects to The New York Times
• Business Week redirects to BusinessWeek

External links

• Ubisoft website for the Myst franchise - Italicise Myst
• Is there any reason why there are 2 spaces between the external links and the template?

I have now finished my review of the article. Once the comments have been addressed, I'll take another look at the article. The Prince (talk) 21:28, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think that's it. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^(talk) 23:46, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

• All my concerns have been addressed, so I'm passing the article. Great work. The Prince (talk) 00:03, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]